May 18

Things to miss about Japan

My neighborhood

My real friends

Pickleball weekly

The school

Things I wont miss

The allergies (I hope I wont have them in GA)

Living on base and having them always on my case

Japan traffic

Japan crowds

Japan prices

 

Dear Journal,

It is May 18, 2023. My family is in the PCS process (permanent change of station). We are out-processing from Yokota Air Base in preparation to fly from Japan to America.
This week has been a long time coming. Meaning, I have longed for it.
When we moved to Japan it was, as is for most American military who move here, a huge struggle. Filled with longing. Longing for family who are still back in The States. Longing for familiarity. Longing for comfort and peace. You see, you don’t “belong” here and it is felt within.
I went through depression, as I have more recently learned is normal for wives in my situation (specifically here). That it is part of the process of moving to Japan and leaving your relatives in The States.

The first year in Japan was the hardest. Then it improved steadily. I felt more and more needed, wanted and appreciated. I found places that I did fit…I did belong. Within the elementary school, the squadron, the ward and the community. Pickleball became a regular thing. The group meets once a week at minimum. We’ve played through the wind and the rain. We’ve played in the gym when the weather was too harsh to permit playing.

It is through Pickleball that I have created real friendships. Stronger than at church activities. Stronger than at work in the elementary school.
We play and we chat and sometimes we go out to lunch together!

 

In the past I’ve always tried making real friends wherever I live. I’ve tried by inviting ladies to do fun things. By sharing information about my life and even vulnerable things…that we could bond over. But it did not always work. Real connections are not so easy to form. I have found that regular Pickleball practice is the best way to make those real connections. I will remember that moving forward. In Georgia I will get a Pickleball net of my own and find or create a group to play together.

Through my time as a keyspouse I have been appreciated and praised for my volunteering and dedication. It was fun getting so much recognition. But, I don’t want to be a keyspouse anymore. Did that… moving on.
I loved working with the kids and the teachers at Joan K. Mendel Elementary. I love that school. I love that the teachers are allowed to take their kids out to the playgrounds for brain breaks or reading or lessons whenever they choose. I love that the teachers and staff seek ways to improve the education experience for the children. I have made wonderful friends there. But I want to move on from that as well.

So many wonderful experiences and memories to cherish for the rest of my life!

Four years is a long time. It is a long time to live somewhere you didn’t choose to live and don’t necessarily want to live. However, the first year is always the hardest. And the longer you stay the greater the experience. Maybe that is why some families choose to stay in Japan for 17+ years. But for me, four is enough. I am ready.

 

Tuesday my family moved from our garden unit, our home, to TLF (Temporary Lodging Facility: the tower for members moving in or out). It was a little unsettling for Athena. She was excited to see the tower and our room but she is sad at the same time. This is the first move in her memory. As if experiencing it for the first time. She was 5 years old at our last move.

Wednesday we became homeless. We had the final out inspection of the home and turned the keys in.

The children are all excited for their summer break from school. They are not excited to leave all of their friends behind.

My kids have handled losing friends one by one very well. Saying goodbye to one friend at a time as they move away. But this. This is losing them all in one big swoop.

Athena is good about finding friends to connect with that live near our house. Tiberias has had a mediocre time finding friends but when they discover how fun LARPing is they want to be his friend. He has a good sized group of friends. LARPing is just giving older kids, pre teens and a teens an excuse to stay kids. To continue playing as they did as little kids. Without feeling embarrassed about it.

Luke has a lot of friends here. He loves being in social situations. Which is a huge improvement from when we first moved here. Luke didn’t have real friends before we lived here.
Don’t get me wrong, he will stay home playing video games and watching tv with Ty most of the time if his parents were not pushing him to get out and spend time with his friends. But that’s not Luke specific…most teens are that way.

 

There is a feeling in the air. Something has severely shifted my world since moving into TLF two days ago. I walk out into my neighborhood but it is not longer the same. I know that my friends are still here in their houses and their lives. But it feels different. I don’t feel like I live here any longer.
And I guess, technically I don’t.

This morning I walked over to Leigh’s house. Seeking normalcy. Seeking time with a friend before I leave her behind. We took a walk together on this warm morning. The weather has finally heated up. In Japan’s winter you long for warm days but when they hit you wonder why you asked for it. When it hits you remember what the summers are like. The hot, humid, uncomfortable summers. And you want the warm air to stop. To stay put. But you know it will shoot up like someone pushed upward the thermostat on the wall.

 

After a little walk with Leigh and her toddler Ezra in his stroller we went inside Leigh’s air conditioned house. She had a Sayonara doll for me to sign. Sayonara dolls being an American tradition now in Japan. It is a Kokeshi doll and a paper scroll combined into one. The Americans love having their friends sign goodbyes…just like high schoolers do with their yearbooks.
I had one at my 15^th wedding vow renewal last year as a guest book.
The teachers lounge at Mendel always has a few laying on a table of people who are moving away and want goodbye notes from everyone. I don’t always know the teachers well but if I know them at all I humor them and write something down. “Thank you for all you’ve done at Mendel. Good luck with the next chapter of your life. Love, Tiffany” or something similar.

The relief society presidency got me a little Sayonara doll and had sisters in the ward sign it. I did not think I wanted one but now that I have it and I’ve read it…I love it! It’s so personal and precious. I will take it to my birthday lunch this Friday and see if anyone there hasn’t sign it yet.

Anyway, I’ve been signing a few lately. I am not the only person moving this year from Yokota. Liz Monson came over last night to get me to sign hers. And even though Leigh isn’t moving yet she decided she needed written goodbyes from her friends that are leaving this year. Smart thinking.